Two and a Half Men: Episodes
Season 12
| # | Name | Date |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | The Ol' Mexican Spinach | 10/30/14 |
| 2 | A Chic Bar in Ibiza | 11/6/14 |
| 3 | Glamping in a Yurt | 11/13/14 |
| 4 | Thirty-Eight, Sixty-Two, Thirty-Eight | 11/20/14 |
| 5 | Oontz. Oontz. Oontz. | 11/27/14 |
| 6 | Alan Shot a Little Girl | 12/4/14 |
| 7 | Sex with an Animated Ed Asner | 12/11/14 |
| 8 | Family, Bublé, Deep-fried Turkey | 12/18/14 |
| 9 | Bouncy, Bouncy, Bouncy, Lyndsey | 1/8/15 |
| 10 | Here I Come, Pants! | 1/15/15 |
| 11 | For Whom the Booty Calls | 1/22/15 |
| 12 | A Beer-Battered Rip-Off | 1/29/15 |
| 13 | Boompa Loved His Hookers | 2/5/15 |
| 14 | Don't Give a Monkey a Gun | 2/12/15 |
| 15 | Of Course He's Dead - Part One | 2/19/15 |
| 16 | Of Course He's Dead - Part Two | 2/19/15 |
Season 11
| # | Name | Date |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Nangnangnangnang | 9/26/13 |
| 2 | I Think I Banged Lucille Ball | 10/3/13 |
| 3 | This Unblessed Biscuit | 10/10/13 |
| 4 | Clank, Clank, Drunken Skank | 10/17/13 |
| 5 | Alan Harper, Pleasing Women Since 2003 | 10/24/13 |
| 6 | Justice in Star-Spangled Hot Pants | 11/7/13 |
| 7 | Some Kind of Lesbian Zombie | 11/14/13 |
| 8 | Mr. Walden, He Die. I Clean Room. | 11/21/13 |
| 9 | Numero Uno Accidente Lawyer | 12/5/13 |
| 10 | On Vodka, on Soda, on Blender, on Mixer! | 12/12/13 |
| 11 | Tazed in the Lady Nuts | 1/2/14 |
| 12 | Baseball. Boobs. Boobs. Baseball. | 1/9/14 |
| 13 | Bite Me, Supreme Court | 1/30/14 |
| 14 | Three Fingers of Crème de Menthe | 2/6/14 |
| 15 | Cab Fare and a Bottle of Penicillin | 2/27/14 |
| 16 | How to Get Rid of Alan Harper | 3/6/14 |
| 17 | Welcome Home, Jake | 3/13/14 |
| 18 | West Side Story | 4/3/14 |
| 19 | Lan Mao Shi Zai Wuding Shang | 4/10/14 |
| 20 | Lotta Delis in Little Armenia | 4/24/14 |
| 21 | Dial 1-900-Mix-a-Lot | 5/1/14 |
| 22 | Oh WALD-E, Good Times Ahead | 5/8/14 |
Season 10
| # | Name | Date |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | I Changed My Mind About the Milk | 9/27/12 |
| 2 | A Big Bag of Dog | 10/4/12 |
| 3 | Four Balls, Two Bats and One Mitt | 10/11/12 |
| 4 | You Do Know What the Lollipop's For | 10/18/12 |
| 5 | That's Not What They Call It in Amsterdam | 10/25/12 |
| 6 | Ferrets, Attack! | 11/1/12 |
| 7 | Avoid the Chinese Mustard | 11/8/12 |
| 8 | Something My Gynecologist Said | 11/15/12 |
| 9 | I Scream When I Pee | 11/29/12 |
| 10 | One Nut Johnson | 12/6/12 |
| 11 | Give Santa a Tail-Hole | 12/13/12 |
| 12 | Welcome to Alancrest | 1/3/13 |
| 13 | Grab a Feather and Get in Line | 1/10/13 |
| 14 | Run, Steven Staven! Run! | 1/31/13 |
| 15 | Paint It, Pierce It or Plug It | 2/7/13 |
| 16 | Advantage: Fat, Flying Baby | 2/14/13 |
| 17 | Throgwarten Middle School Mysteries | 2/21/13 |
| 18 | The 9:04 from Pemberton | 3/7/13 |
| 19 | Big Episode. Someone Stole a Spoon | 3/14/13 |
| 20 | Bazinga! That's from a TV Show | 4/4/13 |
| 21 | Another Night with Neil Diamond | 4/25/13 |
| 22 | My Bodacious Vidalia | 5/2/13 |
| 23 | Cows, Prepare to Be Tipped | 5/9/13 |
Season 9
| # | Name | Date |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt | 9/19/11 |
| 2 | People Who Love Peepholes | 9/26/11 |
| 3 | Big Girls Don't Throw Food | 10/3/11 |
| 4 | Nine Magic Fingers | 10/10/11 |
| 5 | A Giant Cat Holding a Churro | 10/17/11 |
| 6 | The Squat and the Hover | 10/24/11 |
| 7 | Those Fancy Japanese Toilets | 10/31/11 |
| 8 | Thank You for the Intercourse | 11/7/11 |
| 9 | Frodo's Headshots | 11/14/11 |
| 10 | A Fishbowl Full of Glass Eyes | 11/21/11 |
| 11 | What a Lovely Landing Strip | 12/5/11 |
| 12 | One False Move, Zimbabwe! | 12/12/11 |
| 13 | Slowly and in a Circular Fashion | 1/2/12 |
| 14 | A Possum on Chemo | 1/16/12 |
| 15 | The Duchess of Dull-in-Sack | 2/6/12 |
| 16 | Sips, Sonnets and Sodomy | 2/13/12 |
| 17 | Not in My Mouth! | 2/20/12 |
| 18 | The War Against Gingivitis | 2/27/12 |
| 19 | Palmdale, Ech | 3/19/12 |
| 20 | Grandma's Pie | 4/9/12 |
| 21 | Mr. Hose Says 'Yes' | 4/16/12 |
| 22 | Why We Gave Up Women | 4/30/12 |
| 23 | The Straw in My Donut Hole | 5/7/12 |
| 24 | Oh Look! Al-Qaeda! | 5/14/12 |
Season 8
| # | Name | Date |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud | 9/20/10 |
| 2 | A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer | 9/27/10 |
| 3 | A Pudding-Filled Cactus | 10/4/10 |
| 4 | Hookers, Hookers, Hookers | 10/11/10 |
| 5 | The Immortal Mr. Billy Joel | 10/18/10 |
| 6 | Twanging Your Magic Clanger | 10/25/10 |
| 7 | The Crazy Bitch Gazette | 11/1/10 |
| 8 | Springtime on a Stick | 11/8/10 |
| 9 | A Good Time in Central Africa | 11/15/10 |
| 10 | Ow, Ow, Don't Stop | 11/22/10 |
| 11 | Dead from the Waist Down | 12/6/10 |
| 12 | Chocolate Diddlers or My Puppy's Dead | 12/13/10 |
| 13 | Skunk, Dog, Crap and Ketchup | 1/3/11 |
| 14 | Lookin' for Japanese Subs | 1/17/11 |
| 15 | Three Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak | 2/7/11 |
| 16 | That Darn Priest | 2/14/11 |
Season 7
| # | Name | Date |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | 818-jklpuzo | 9/21/09 |
| 2 | Whipped Unto the Third Generation | 9/28/09 |
| 3 | Mmm, Fish. Yum. | 10/5/09 |
| 4 | Laxative Tester, Horse Inseminator | 10/12/09 |
| 5 | For the Sake of the Child | 10/19/09 |
| 6 | Give Me Your Thumb | 11/2/09 |
| 7 | Untainted by Filth | 11/9/09 |
| 8 | Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle. | 11/16/09 |
| 9 | Captain Terry's Spray-On Hair | 11/23/09 |
| 10 | That's Why They Call It Ball Room | 12/7/09 |
| 11 | Warning, It's Dirty | 12/14/09 |
| 12 | Fart Jokes, Pie and Celeste | 1/11/10 |
| 13 | Yay, No Polyps! | 1/18/10 |
| 14 | Crude and Uncalled For | 2/1/10 |
| 15 | Aye, Aye, Captain | 2/8/10 |
| 16 | Tinkle Like a Princess | 3/1/10 |
| 17 | I Found Your Moustache | 3/8/10 |
| 18 | Ixnay on the Oggie Day | 3/22/10 |
| 19 | Keith Moon Is Vomiting in His Grave | 4/12/10 |
| 20 | I Called Him Magoo | 5/10/10 |
| 21 | Gumby with a Pokey | 5/17/10 |
| 22 | This Is Not Gonna End Well | 5/24/10 |
Season 6
| # | Name | Date |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Taterhead Is Our Love Child | 9/22/08 |
| 2 | Pie Hole, Herb | 9/29/08 |
| 3 | Damn You, Eggs Benedict | 10/6/08 |
| 4 | The Flavin' and the Mavin' | 10/13/08 |
| 5 | A Jock Strap in Hell | 10/20/08 |
| 6 | It's Always Nazi Week | 11/3/08 |
| 7 | Best H.O. Money Can Buy | 11/10/08 |
| 8 | Pinocchio's Mouth | 11/17/08 |
| 9 | The Mooch at the Boo | 11/24/08 |
| 10 | He Smelled the Ham, He Got Excited | 12/8/08 |
| 11 | The Devil's Lube | 12/15/08 |
| 12 | Thank God for Scoliosis | 1/12/09 |
| 13 | I Think You Offended Don | 1/19/09 |
| 14 | David Copperfield Slipped Me a Roofie | 2/2/09 |
| 15 | I'd Like to Start with the Cat | 2/9/09 |
| 16 | She'll Still Be Dead at Halftime | 3/2/09 |
| 17 | The 'Ocu' or the 'Pado'? | 3/9/09 |
| 18 | My Son's Enormous Head | 3/16/09 |
| 19 | The Two Finger Rule | 3/30/09 |
| 20 | Hello, I Am Alan Cousteau | 4/13/09 |
| 21 | Above Exalted Cyclops | 4/27/09 |
| 22 | Sir Lancelot's Litter Box | 5/4/09 |
| 23 | Good Morning, Mrs. Butterworth | 5/11/09 |
| 24 | Baseball with Better Steroids | 5/18/09 |
Season 5
| # | Name | Date |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Large Birds, Spiders and Mom | 9/24/07 |
| 2 | Media Room Slash Dungeon | 10/1/07 |
| 3 | Dum Diddy Dum Diddy Doo | 10/8/07 |
| 4 | City of Great Racks | 10/15/07 |
| 5 | Putting Swim Fins on a Cat | 10/22/07 |
| 6 | Help Daddy Find His Toenail | 10/29/07 |
| 7 | Our Leather Gear Is in the Guest Room | 11/5/07 |
| 8 | Is There a Mrs. Waffles? | 11/12/07 |
| 9 | Tight's Good | 11/19/07 |
| 10 | Kinda Like Necrophilia | 11/26/07 |
| 11 | Meander to Your Dander | 3/17/08 |
| 12 | A Little Clammy and None Too Fresh | 3/24/08 |
| 13 | The Soil Is Moist | 3/31/08 |
| 14 | Winky-Dink Time | 4/14/08 |
| 15 | Rough Night in Hump Junction | 4/21/08 |
| 16 | Look at Me, Mommy, I'm Pretty | 4/28/08 |
| 17 | Fish in a Drawer | 5/5/08 |
| 18 | If My Hole Could Talk | 5/12/08 |
| 19 | Waiting for the Right Snapper | 5/19/08 |
Season 4
| # | Name | Date |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Working for Caligula | 9/18/06 |
| 2 | Who's Vod Kanockers? | 9/25/06 |
| 3 | The Sea Is a Harsh Mistress | 10/2/06 |
| 4 | A Pot Smoking Monkey | 10/9/06 |
| 5 | A Live Woman of Proven Fertility | 10/16/06 |
| 6 | Apologies for the Frivolity | 10/23/06 |
| 7 | Repeated Blows to His Unformed Head | 11/6/06 |
| 8 | Release the Dogs | 11/13/06 |
| 9 | Corey's Been Dead for an Hour | 11/20/06 |
| 10 | Kissing Abraham Lincoln | 11/27/06 |
| 11 | Walnuts and Demerol | 12/11/06 |
| 12 | Castrating Sheep in Montana | 1/8/07 |
| 13 | Don't Worry, Speed Racer | 1/22/07 |
| 14 | That's Summer Sausage, Not Salami | 2/5/07 |
| 15 | My Damn Stalker | 2/12/07 |
| 16 | Young People Have Phlegm Too | 2/19/07 |
| 17 | I Merely Slept with a Commie | 2/26/07 |
| 18 | It Never Rains in Hooterville | 3/19/07 |
| 19 | Smooth As a Ken Doll | 4/9/07 |
| 20 | Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot | 4/16/07 |
| 21 | Tucked, Taped and Gorgeous | 4/23/07 |
| 22 | Mr. McGlue's Feedbag | 4/30/07 |
| 23 | Anteaters. They're Just Crazy-lookin | 5/7/07 |
| 24 | Prostitutes and Gelato | 5/14/07 |
Season 3
| # | Name | Date |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Weekend in Bangkok with Two Olympic Gymnasts | 9/19/05 |
| 2 | Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover | 9/26/05 |
| 3 | Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark | 10/3/05 |
| 4 | Your Dismissive Attitude Toward Boobs | 10/10/05 |
| 5 | We Called It Mr. Pinky | 10/17/05 |
| 6 | Hi, Mr. Horned One | 10/24/05 |
| 7 | Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop | 11/7/05 |
| 8 | That Voodoo That I Do Do | 11/14/05 |
| 9 | Madame and Her Special Friend | 11/21/05 |
| 10 | Something Salted and Twisted | 11/28/05 |
| 11 | Santa's Village of the Damned | 12/19/05 |
| 12 | That Special Tug | 1/9/06 |
| 13 | Humiliation Is a Visual Medium | 1/23/06 |
| 14 | Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded | 2/6/06 |
| 15 | My Tongue Is Meat | 2/27/06 |
| 16 | Ergo, the Booty Call | 3/6/06 |
| 17 | The Unfortunate Little Schnauser | 3/13/06 |
| 18 | The Spit-Covered Cobbler | 3/20/06 |
| 19 | Golly Moses, She's a Muffin | 4/10/06 |
| 20 | Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro | 4/24/06 |
| 21 | And the Plot Moistens | 5/1/06 |
| 22 | Just Once with Aunt Sophie | 5/8/06 |
| 23 | Arguments for the Quickie | 5/15/06 |
| 24 | That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite | 5/22/06 |
Season 2
| # | Name | Date |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Back Off, Mary Poppins | 9/20/04 |
| 2 | Enjoy Those Garlic Balls | 9/27/04 |
| 3 | A Bag Full of Jawea | 10/4/04 |
| 4 | Go Get Mommy's Bra | 10/11/04 |
| 5 | Bad News from the Clinic? | 10/18/04 |
| 6 | The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance | 10/25/04 |
| 7 | A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana | 11/8/04 |
| 8 | Frankenstein and the Horny Villagers | 11/15/04 |
| 9 | Yes, Monsignor | 11/22/04 |
| 10 | The Salmon Under My Sweater | 11/29/04 |
| 11 | Last Chance to See Those Tattoos | 12/13/04 |
| 12 | A Lung Full of Alan | 1/3/05 |
| 13 | Zejdz Zmoich Wlosow | 1/17/05 |
| 14 | Those Big Pink Things with Coconuts | 1/31/05 |
| 15 | Smell the Umbrella Stand | 2/7/05 |
| 16 | Can You Eat Human Flesh with Wooden Teeth? | 2/14/05 |
| 17 | Woo-Hoo, a Hernia Exam! | 2/21/05 |
| 18 | It was 'Mame,' Mom | 3/7/05 |
| 19 | A Low, Guttural Tongue-Flapping Noise | 3/21/05 |
| 20 | I Always Wanted a Shaved Monkey | 4/18/05 |
| 21 | A Sympathetic Crotch to Cry On | 5/2/05 |
| 22 | That Old Hose Bag Is My Mother | 5/9/05 |
| 23 | Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab | 5/16/05 |
| 24 | Does This Smell Funny to You? | 5/23/05 |
Season 1
| # | Name | Date |
|---|---|---|
| 0 | Episode 0 | 6/2/06 |
| 1 | Pilot | 9/22/03 |
| 2 | Big Flappy Bastards | 9/29/03 |
| 3 | Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell | 10/6/03 |
| 4 | If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song I'm Going to Take a Nap | 10/13/03 |
| 5 | The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up with a Hump | 10/20/03 |
| 6 | Did You Check with the Captain of the Flying Monkeys? | 10/27/03 |
| 7 | If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake | 11/3/03 |
| 8 | Twenty-Five Little Pre-pubers Without a Snoot-ful | 11/10/03 |
| 9 | Phase One, Complete | 11/17/03 |
| 10 | Merry Thanksgiving | 11/24/03 |
| 11 | Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor | 12/15/03 |
| 12 | Camel Filters + Pheromones | 1/5/04 |
| 13 | Sarah Like Puny Alan | 1/12/04 |
| 14 | I Can't Afford Hyenas | 2/2/04 |
| 15 | Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick (1) | 2/9/04 |
| 16 | That Was Saliva, Alan (2) | 2/16/04 |
| 17 | Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats | 2/23/04 |
| 18 | An Old Flame with a New Wick | 3/1/04 |
| 19 | I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You | 3/22/04 |
| 20 | Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark | 4/19/04 |
| 21 | No Sniffing, No Wowing | 5/3/04 |
| 22 | My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet | 5/10/04 |
| 23 | Just Like Buffalo | 5/17/04 |
| 24 | Can You Feel My Finger? | 5/24/04 |